I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize