I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
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