i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
