I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize