I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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