There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
