So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
