anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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