Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
