Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Randomize
