Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
