last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Randomize
