the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
A bitchslap is in order.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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