Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
