It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
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