Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
