okay pat passed out under dana's car
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
