we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Life is so much better after having sex.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Randomize
