Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
