This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
