I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
