I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Randomize
