Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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