I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
