a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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