Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
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