i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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