im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
