She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Randomize