I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Panties = found
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
