I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
