I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
The Olympian is in my bed
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