Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
