I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
