I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I did not marry a roomba.
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