You're completely useless in the revolution.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
