So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
