my phone needs a breathalizer
Can Purell be used as lube?
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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