Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
how can u be prego again
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
