if i can run in heels then i can drive
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Randomize
