i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
