so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
