if you like me you must not know who I am
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
