I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
