i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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