New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
