my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
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