Betty ford says i'm here all night
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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