my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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