next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I can't turn off my feet"
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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