Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
