Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
operation harelip BJ is a go
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Randomize
