you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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