Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
