he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
