South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
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