There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
