what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Randomize
