we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
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