at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Randomize
