Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
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