You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
