Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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