Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I want to have your abortion
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Randomize
