After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
