They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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