The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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