That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
