I accidentally burped into my bong.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
