I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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